Why has no one thought of combining a shortbread cookie with artificial watermelon flavoring before now? Because it sounds awful, that’s why. With such a large variety of Oreo flavors, the only people I can imagine actually choosing these would be a hyperactive 8 year old or someone who is way too high to be grocery shopping responsibly. Regardless, I made the purchase.
I was expecting to be hit with an overpowering scent of artificial watermelon when I tore open the bag, but to my surprise, the smell was hardly noticeable. They were lined up in neat little rows like all good little Oreos are, just waiting for someone to ham-fist their way through their numbers. Now we come to the moment of truth, the tasting. I take a gentle smell of the individual cookie to take in the subtle scent of shortbread with a hint of watermelon. An odd mix, but we knew that already. First bite nets me a punch in the mouth from that overly sweet chemical watermelon flavor familiar to anyone who’s ever had a sugar binge of Laffy Taffy or Jolly Ranchers. The shortbread cookie flavor is barely recognizable, serving merely as a vehicle for that sickeningly sweet green and pink cream. It’s edible, but it is in no way subtle. I polish off the first cookie, then proceed to eat another to see if it’s any better when knowing what to expect, much like allowing your eyes to adjust to a bright light. The punch in the mouth is less severe the second time allowing me to experience the nuances of the concentrated artificial flavor…of which there are none. This cookie is basically Oogh the caveman beating me over the head with tree stump chanting “WA-TER-MEL-LON”. I want to stop, but know I must forge ahead in order to give a full review, therefore I proceed to the milk-dunking test.
I give the little flavor demon a 5 second dip into a glass of cold skim milk and take a bite. The milk does help to disperse the spastic flavor trauma of the watermelon and gives a bit more help to the overwhelmed shortbread cookie. This helps to nudge it up the edibility ladder a bit more, but not enough to garner a recommendation .
As I mentioned before, there are many options when it comes to Oreos, or cookies in general. I would suggest giving it a bit more consideration before dropping your $3 on a package of these artificial disaster snacks. Yes, there are far worse things you could eat, but the question is, why would you?